For once I want to feel skinny. I'm down to 106.8 lbs today. I've been drinking water, walked about 4 miles, eating so much better.
But good news! The gym I signed up for is open tomorrow!! And it's 24 hours I can't fucking weight to get my shit in check. In one month I will be fucking tiny I promise you guys. I've missed a lot of you girls on here.
Bella and lovely bones I'm going to write back to you soon. I can't go on the computer much cause it's my moms and I'm afraid she'll find my blog. That would suck. They already are noticing I'm relapsing. I shouldn't have "recovered" in the first place. I know my body can go further than I did before. There are girls taller than me that weigh in the 70s! It's mind blowing.
It's sick that they motivate me to be better than them.
all that i'm going to have replaying in my mind is 85 lbs.
85 lbs
85 lbs
I'll get there. I'll starve. I'll fast. I'll live off water. I'll become so drained and tired I look like I'm dying. I'll hide everything and all my feelings just so you can go on and be happy with your life. I'll just sit here and pretend it's all okay as i'm withering away.
I have bruises all over my back and legs now. I'm weak. I'm hungry. I'm full.
I don't know how to feel.
I would give up literally anything in this entire world for these legs.
I know I blog way too much but it helps me. I bored and it keeps me away from eating. My mom keeps calling me to tell me she left me a thawed chicken breast so I could make myself food. This fucker is like 6 oz way too much! Since my Dad was home today he kept offering me food too. It's like you guys know I'm trying to lose weight just because you are obese and making my sister obese doesn't mean I need to be. So I made the damn chicken breast boiled it in chicken broth, apple cider vinegar, added tomatoes, and rosemary. I only prepared myself about 1 oz of the chicken and left the rest there for someone else. While I was making the food I could feel my stomach begging for food but now the bowl of chicken is just sitting next to me...and I'm kind of tempted to just feed it to my dog. She keeps staring at me like "are you sure you want to eat that, you know you want to feed me instead" She knows I'm a sucker for her and Hey, I rather feed her hungry belly than mine. I mean its only 30 calories but I don't even deserve any in me today....blehhhh I'm sure i'll be posting another post in a little bit...I HAVE NO LIFE.
Okay! So I made my official weight goals and deadlines.
HW: 145 lbs.
LW: 121.8 (current)
GW: 100 lbs.
UGW: 95 lbs.
I like to set small short goals for myself.
March 6, 2012 : 118 lbs
March 10, 2012 : 114 lbs
March 14, 2012 : 110 lbs
March 17, 2012 : 108 lbs
I'll add more once I see how I'm doing. I'm the type of person when I want something I don't have patience to wait for it I get it done right when I want. So if they goals see kinda extreme, you'll see that I can get them done if I really want to.
Great song. Always and Forever I will LOVE Taking Back Sunday <3
