sucide track by lyncats

sucide track by lyncats



I've been in that spot so many times and I never want to go back

They seriously should be playing this on suicide hotlines 

This is what my life has become you don't even know the emotional pain that's making it feel so physically painful my heart aches from how depressed I feel and I don't know why I'm even depressed I just had a horrible episode and it's been a suicidal roller coaster I can't get off someone talk to me please anyone I'm dying alone and I'm desperate it hurts so much I'm so alone no one know all of this no one

Do you really wanna know?

This night consisted of me writing a hypocritical bullshit letter asking for a donation for the eating disorder walk as i chugged water all day ate three bites of food took three fucking laxatives plus two diet pills during the day. What the fuck is wrong with me? Like seriously all I do is listen to myself talk in my head? What's the normal amount of thinking to yourself? Cause I do it all day and kinda respond to myself. No one knows what to tell me when they ask what's wrong then I suddenly blurt out everything inside . I don't even know what I want to hear but hearing nothing makes me feel pathetic . 

Time to go self mutilate my fucking body with razors. 

Thanks for the talk

Literally have no one else

I have no one else but this blog to say that I'm jumping off a bridge. I'm done. I had the worst breakdown that resulted in me sobbing my eyes out self mutilating disassociating blur. My mom ended up waking up and just holding me as I sobbed on the bathroom floor. I want to die so so so badly it hurts so much to keep living like this. It's not selfish for me to not want to be in misery anymore. I've tried everything to get better and nothing did I just want to make my head quiet. 

Mama said there would be better days

Well today is just one of those fucking days where I've given up on society. I broke my hand punching shit, made two different plans so I couldn't get bailed on once again only to be bailed on by both "friends" I really have no one in my life no one I can confide in no one I can just lay my head on for two seconds so I know it's going to be alright. I'm alone and I want to die more than I ever had in the past two years. I want to plan it out this time I really want to make this end. I constantly day dream of ways that could cause my death but never ways to ensure my death. People keep jumping off the bridge by my house and honestly it's calling my name out. I will do it

Skinny bitches

For once I want to feel skinny. I'm down to 106.8 lbs today. I've been drinking water, walked about 4 miles, eating so much better.

But good news! The gym I signed up for is open tomorrow!! And it's 24 hours I can't fucking weight to get my shit in check. In one month I will be fucking tiny I promise you guys. I've missed a lot of you girls on here.

Bella and lovely bones I'm going to write back to you soon. I can't go on the computer much cause it's my moms and I'm afraid she'll find my blog. That would suck. They already are noticing I'm relapsing. I shouldn't have "recovered" in the first place. I know my body can go further than I did before. There are girls taller than me that weigh in the 70s! It's mind blowing.

It's sick that they motivate me to be better than them.

SKINNY

I haven't been on here in way too long. 

My life had really fallen apart, and I lost myself more than I ever did before.

My eating disorder became more of a binge phase, less restricting.

Of course this only has made me feel worse.

I'm starting over again. I want to feel good about myself. I want to show everyone what I can be.

S K I N N Y .

I'm starting at 110 lbs.

In one week I want to be at 105 lbs.

In two weeks I want to be 100 lbs.

5 lbs loss is my goal for every week. 

I will win this time.

I am not a failure.

I can prove to everyone that this is my life, my decisions, my happiness.

I'm not pro ana but those tips and thinspiration truly help me lose weight and feel better.

So back at it again i'm dedicating my life to weight loss.

On February 20th this year it will be exactly two years since I started starving myself.

It's been a long up and down battle.

I'm back lovelies.