I'm so tired of all of this shit going on.

I'm tired of going to therapy, trying to prove myself to everyone, not having any control of my life. I'm tired of having to take medication daily or else i'm more depressed then I ever was. I'm tired of hurting the closest people to me, making up lies to gain their attention, to tangle them back into my life because i'm selfish.

I want a restart button on my life. I would change so many things. Spoken up when my cousin abused me. Stayed in gymnastics. Do well in high school, apply for colleges. Know where the fuck my life is going!

I'm so fucking exhausted I just want to sleep and never have to wake up again because I am nothing. I've made my parents an emotional mess, my sister now exercises constantly and barely eats, my boyfriend is controlling me, my best friend wants absolutely nothing to do with me now that i've informed him i don't see us getting back together....his reply was that he was going to propose soon and that he doesn't ever want to see me again...

How am I supposed to feel happy? I'm drugged to trick my brain into thinking nothing is wrong and that my life is fine. It may look fine to other people but I'm sorry I just can't cope with my life and the directions its taken.

I'm not even skinny anymore. I'm fucking disgusting.

I should just fucking die you know. I am one of those worthless lives that take up space. I just want to drive a bullet into my brain and never do anything again.