Landon was wonderful last night only to become a monster again today. I had really shitty sleep waking up every 2 hours. We had to his parents in the morning because the painter was coming for the bathroom. After words I drive us to get weed spent 60 dollars. And he buys me a 5 dollar sandwich -_- so we go backto the apartment to see if the painter was done. He hadn't even showed up yet. So we were going to eat lunch at a park and I brought landons waterbottle into my car, thinking it was a nice gesture, forgetting he needed to fill it up with the jug of water he had in his truck (that he was going to park closer to my car) he calls me asking if I had his water screaming that I was wasting time because he was looking for it. It was a genuin mistake I told him I was sorry just to have him flip out saying it doesn't make sense why I would take it when he already told me he needed it. I told him I honestly forgot and he keeps screaming. I walk away screaming "fuck you, it's a damn waterbottle!" I get into my car the windows are down he comes charging me saying "it's just a waterbottle right? Just fucking water?! " and I say yeah just water. He throws hi open bottle at my car getting water all over me, inside an outside of my car. After everything I did today do him. He at on the curb glaring at me. I'm sitting there sobbing screaming I'm tire of fighting over stupid ass shit! He then gets in the car, we leAve and 10 min later he puts his hand on mine. I hate Him so much sometimes.
He's why I starve,cut,want to die.
95lbs isn't supposed to look like this. What's wrong with me?! :(
I wish you could find a way to stop cutting but then again, I so wish I was still doing it. Your boyfriend sounds like a jackass. I'm sorry. Just because he is nice sometimes doesn't mean he's worth it. Tell him you're tired of his bs and will leave if he doesn't clean up his act. Seriously, you're worth much better than that.
ReplyDeleteI think your inner thighs are looking great and your belly is so flat! How tall are you? And how you look at a certain weight will also depend on your bone density so be mindful of that.
I had stopped cutting for almost 3 years..just last week it started all over again.
DeleteI have told him this and things do not change, but I can't be alone. I do not trust myself at all with the medication I'm taking it had created some very disturbing thoughts, that if I'm alone I may just get too curious about.
I'm 5'2. Ughh I wish I could see my thighs as you do but I honestly can't to the point it makes my stomach turn :( I just see all the parts that could be gone but aren't because of my lack of control.
Thank you so much for your comment though I will keep trying to look up.
I guess for me it's different because my humongous thighs keep touching. I really hope the situation with your bf gets better or you find better soon.
Deletealso muscle mass makes a huge difference too. i gain muscle very easily so i always weigh more than i look which is frustrating, but it just goes to show you shouldn't compare too much to what you think you *should* look like.
ReplyDeleteif you've been restricting below 1000 for a while, then you probably lost a lot of muscle mass too, which changes your weight more than losing fat does. maybe use measurements instead? they're more accurate.
and i agree. your boyfriend is an ass. the things you described remind me of my past abusive relationship, which i'm glad finally ended. i hope one day you'll see you deserve better.
I haven't gained muscles, but I can really see that my muscles have diminished quite some...I've done measurements but they make me feel worse because my body should look skinnier according to my measurements .
Deleteit's been a long 1 1/2 years with him so far.
Hey sweetie, I've been worried about you. You deserve so so much better than him, you really do. It makes me sad to hear that he is getting you down and has been making you unhappy for a long time. It's hard though, I understand, I hope things change when you are ready.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you look like 95 lbs to me, I guess you can't see it but you look lovely the way you are. Your tattoo is pretty too, I don't know if I've said that before but I want something similar. Please take care <3
Alice xx
I'm sorry to make you worry :( but thank you so much for caring. It really means so much to me. I wish I could see what you see. I hate my body. Thanks. Make sure to get a tattoo artist that knows what they are doing because the guy who did mine fucked up and it looks terrible in person.
Delete95 lbs?! I want it!!!
ReplyDeleteYou look really good, that flat stomach.. but you seem to have the same problem like me. Even when I was skinny (a long, long time ago), my inner thighs looked a bit "fat": never look like the thinspo ones. But compared to mine, yours look absolutely perfect. I'll post a pic, it's disgusting.
It's the first time I'm here, so I don't know much about you and your boyfriend, but I can see it isn't easy.
I wish you good luck...
Kisses,
A.
(and trust me, you look 95 lbs)
I don't see a flat stomach. I always see that extra pudge handing off and I want to cut it all off. I'll never look perfect but please post a picture it's always great motivation for yourself. Thank You so much for the comment <3
DeleteDarling, you look amazing.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I've mentioned this before, but you truly are my best source of thinspo.
And what the hell is wrong with him?
I'm so angry at him. He can't treat you like that. He always takes out his anger on you, and it's just not fair.
I hope you're okay. Love you.
Please take care.