for the past 2 weeks i've been begging landon to go hiking but he keeps saying "we have to see how I feel"
& we never end up going.
Well I'm stuck at fucking work today and what does he do?! Go hiking & decides to send me pictures of all these frogs he found and it pisses me of that he would do this and shove it in my face.
I know i'm over reacting but how things have been between us lately, it just upsets me.
I cut deep twice. I don't know how this habit came crawling back so fast. I had to stop myself at two cuts because I wanted to keep going and going deeper. Weird thing is I kept going deep and all I saw was white tissue I didn't even bleed.....and then small trickles started but nothing more than that. I don't even feel like I'm alive....
Intake today is about 160....
I'm very weak. It hurts my muscles to carry a stack of papers.
I found a GREAT THINSPO blog on tumblr http://beckyyanalynn.tumblr.com/
& found this article to be interesting http://mashable.com/2012/08/20/pro-anorexia-blogs/
FUCK. I want to look like them.
I will fucking do this. I'll be so weak and brittle I can barely sit up.
anything to be skinny :'(
I don't know why I want to be so badly. I just want to hit myself in the face when I think about eating. It just doesn't seem like the right thing to do.
or maybe it just brings me closer to death....
hey thanks for commenting. I just added a follow link at the bottom, sorry about that!
ReplyDeleteI can relate a lot to what you wrote about wanting to be weak and brittle. it's gotten to the point where it's not even about wanting to look thin anymore. it's the only thing I feel good about when everything else is falling apart. take care love <3
now it says your blog is private and I can't view it :(
DeleteI just want to have control. To feel as perfect as I need to be.
Love you so much. When I read your posts you remind me so much of myself, all the feelings deep inside me which I never know how to explain. And you find the best thinspo pictures, normally the pictures are never thin enough for me, as bad as that sounds considering how fat I am at the moment, but you always find the perfect pictures.
ReplyDeleteThat's so harsh on Landon to go hiking without you.
Take care darling. And thank you so much for everything you've helped me with.
I look for hours for these picture because like you said its hard to find girls that meet the standards i want. Thank you so much for all the support love you so much <3
DeleteLandon is out of order doing that. You need to be loved and adored! Always here for you my love xx
ReplyDeleteBeautiful thinspo! <3
ReplyDeleteBut please, stop cutting yourself...
i'm trying :(
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