Insecure as Always

fuck, fucking insecurities. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of feeling loved from Landon one second and then two seconds later I see a girl we both know who he always seems to like and I'm back into complete shit mode. Why does he feel the need to keep playing these games, leading me on, making me feel like i'm worth something at times?? He eventually just tells me how much he hates me when we get into a fight. I'm not pretty enough. I don't have enough tattoos. My tattoos I do have aren't even nice, they look pathetic like i'm trying too hard to be soemthing, or anything....I really just want to fucking kill myself. I've had dreams of it the past few nights. I keep having dreams of putting a gun to different areas so i'll die....I want that so badly right now. I'm not living for anything. There's no reason for me to be here. I just take up oxygen, food, space, and time......I think when i die i'll be cremated so that way my body doesn't use more space on this earth than it needs to.


He's lying to you. He doesn't love you. That kiss was fake. When he fucks you he's thinking of other girls who look and are better than you. You're still around just because he will be alone without you.
That's what repeats in my head all the time now.


I know that those girls would go insane being his girlfriend because he is controlling and really hard to be with, but it hurts....it hurts to know that he wants to know what it's like to be with them. With a pretty girl, a tall girl, a skinny girl, a real girl....not someone who doesn't even function like she's even alive. WHATS SO FUCKING WRONG WITH ME! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I can't take this anymore.




Bye 


i love you guys...