Sorry, I haven't been here

I've been gone.
my depression got worse.
my self harm got worse.
my restricting got worse.
my abusing diet pills got worse.

87.5 lbs I never imagined I could say I weigh that. It still isn't registering in my head that that's a "low number"

My therapist tells me she doesn't believe I eat as much as I say I do. My Psychiatrist forced me to let him weigh my IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS!!!!! & then took them into the room and told them all about my suicidal thoughts and shit!!!! He then proceeded to keep them in the room and confront me about everything! Like seriously this is not the time and place to be doing this. I stormed out of the office slamming every door I could.

I'm being watched by EVERYONE! My parents had a talk with Landon and he's on board with everything. They all think i'm a suicidal anorexic that's going to kill herself at any moment! I'm being forced to eat. Forced to talk about things.

I'm being threatened with the hospital. They are pressuring me into Intensive Outpatient Program, and possibly sticking me into an Inpatient Program if they don't feel my suicidal thoughts are getting better.

For now I have my therapist calling me daily to check up on me, Psychiatrist calling me twice a week, upping my zoloft to the maximum dosage, adding an anxiety med for 3 times a day as well as hopefully a new sleeping medication.

I feel like everyone is controlling my life. I want the control back.