Nothing

I have no control over myself. Everything seems as if I'm watching it on a TV Screen. I watch my body do the motions its supposed to be I feel as if I'm not even moving myself. I want to change the channel. Go back to where I had an option on what I can decide. I don't feel like I'm relating to anyone around me anymore. Even on here I read everyone's blogs and it's like overnight I don't have those same feelings anymore....Overnight I became and emotionless zombie who can't do anything she wants....I want to restrict and feel the power and feel fucking skinny but I DONT! I feel fat. I've been eating every day. I just want to go back to my 100 calories a day and enjoy it. It's making me want to sob for hours but I can't even cry! It makes me turn everything into anger because I want to have some control more than anything. I fucking hate this medication. When I do get into arguments I get way more aggressive, my thinking becomes irrational...all I could think about was sitting at the edge of a cliff taking sleeping pills and just drifting off the cliff because I fell asleep. I'm not happy anywhere anymore. I'm just not happy one bit at all. I want to cry and scream and starve and cut but nothing....completely EMPTY.

I want to look this way