I guess this is a good thing and I'm sure a lot of other girls here would love to have my "problem", but I literally can't eat anymore. I can barely drink. I've pushed my body so far that I'm just losing weight as each day goes by. I wake up every morning shaky and like I can't breath. I can't get into the doctors for another 3 weeks. Psychologist is in 12 days. I'm kind of scared. I want to be at least trying to eat foods that will benefit me but i'm so broke I can't even afford that so i'm stuck eating a small amount of fries for the entire day because that is all my body will allow me to eat. I know this is my own fault. I'm the one who wanted to start dieting and now I can't go back. I can't stand the thought of gaining weight either so I really am so stuck in between what I want :(  If i don't gain weight I become sicker, lose my friends, family becomes more suspicious, boss keeps making skeleton comments....If I gain weight I become fat, I get stretch marks again, I feel gross and bloated all the time, my bones don't show, I feel self conscious.... Going to try to get half a bagel with a little cheese on it, and a glass of orange juice in me....I most likelly won't be able to eat the rest of the day. I feel fucking stupid and pathetic being upset that I can't eat. This is what I fucking wanted why am I being so fucking retarded now. God I hate myself. I'm useless. Pathetic. 

I also realized I have no idea how to talk to new people, especially hot fucking guys. Yesterday I took my cousin to get her hair dyed and we saw this guy walking a gorgeous pit bull. So as I'm standing outside on the phone I see him walking back, and then his dog immediately starts pulling as hard as he can to come over to me. The guy was saying how the dog never even likes people so it's really weird that he wanted to come over to me. The pit was 2 years old blue/red nose mix, I was in love with the dog. Now the guy (who's name is Jacob) was GORGEOUS! He was completely cut, muscles everywhere, amazing V muscle (he had his shirt off(; ) I was going to die when he came up to me. I became so nervous I constantly played with my hair and then I became so self conscious because I was wearing shorts that showed my white stretch marks and I  need a massive tan, and the shorts were huge on me so I'm sure they weren't looking too good on me. But we talked for a few minutes and I was waiting to see if he was going to ask for my number but he never did so I just told him It was nice meeting him and I took off to go see Landon. 

Landon is a whole nother story I can't even begin to get into.