Just a Ramble

Landon and I got in ANOTHER fight yesterday. It wasn't even necessary, and I really did not deserve it one bit. I was already in a bad mood yesterday and all I wanted was to come see my boyfriend and feel like I was worth something or even cared about. I got to hookah first so I was just sitting there with the owner who's my age and Landon swears he only talks to me and once he gets there the owner leaves. So were sitting there we both didn't even see Landon about to walk up and the owner gets up to get coals and Landon just instantly gets pissed at me! Saying that i'm secretly texting him, and that he only talks to me when Landon isn't around. It really made me upset because I would never go for the owner he's the biggest man whore in the world, and all i fucking want is to be with Landon and he can't get that through his head! So we go back to his apartment and he starts getting frustrated with all the technology around him, his phone not working, his dvd player not working and when he gets mad at something else guess who gets to have all the anger taken out on? Me. So he starts going off accusing me of texting the owner, I told him to look through my phone I have absolutely nothing to hide. Then he starts going on about everything that I did to him in the past ONCE AGAIN and it's really just pushing me further and further into this hole. I know I fucked up but that was almost a year ago and he still can't let it go, he's always bringing it up, making me feel shitty, making me cry and then getting pissed that i'm crying.  Like 30 minutes pass and he's fine.....I need to get him tested. We were doing so well we never fought maybe once every 3 months and now it's going back to every week we're fighting. I don't know what's going on with him. He wakes up today and acts like he's perfectly fine. He was telling me how much he missed me, and how he's sad we both forgot about our 13 month anniversary, and how the picture I sent him he absolutely loved.....He never says those things.

Yesterday my eating was okay. I had an orange that I snacked on throughout the day. For lunch I had vegetable soup, and a small salad. Later I had another small salad with some pear, and like 4 dominoes bread bites.
Today I had a banana, and Jack in the Box chicken sandwich and a Pepsi Max.

Good news though I have a job interview on Friday for a coffee place inside a retail store. I'm excited because its closer to my house, and way closer to Landon's. I'm not sure if it's full time or how much it pays but I'm sure it's still better than working at my job now.

I realized I never post thinspo anymore. I guess i've just been so engulfed in my own thoughts i've gotten side tracked. I need to start taking my diet pills again and start cracking back down on losing weight I feel heavier.

& I just wanted to say Thanks to the girls that do talk to me on here, that do their best to help me even though they have their own problems. I love you girls and you are keeping me stronger than you could possibly think.