I cut.
I cried all night.
I woke up having a dream where I woke up fucking happy, just to have the impact of reality hit me in the fucking face as hard as possible.

I don't know how i'm going to get through my day. I'm stuck at work and just the thought of not having Landon in my life makes me burst into tears. He went to the ER for a panic attack. He always goes in whenever we fight. He's a valium fiend. I wish I could have something to numb the pain. I'm worried I havent heard from him. I just want him to be okay.

I'm losing my whole life. My best friend, my boyfriend, my love, the only thing keeping me together anymore. I want to be everything he wants me to be but I don't know how.

I'm having bad stress induced vomiting. I have a fucking headache that's radiating my right ear all the way down my neck. I can't breath all I want to do is drive and drive some place where I can scream as loud as possible. Landon always had this idea to go to the cliffs, grab a carton of eggs, and just scream as loud as possible what's going on in your head as you throw the eggs.

I really miss him :(




already had half a chocolate bar, a hot dog, and some diet snapple

105 + 310 + 10 = 425

fuck me.