______________

I wonder if Landon even knows I was in the Hospital. I'm sure he found out some how....He didn't call, he didn't visit, he didn't even write to me....He really doesn't care. I'm just numb all the time now. Even more than before. At least before I could feel pain, sadness, anger, hurt, and now it's just all gone. I just feel so _________. It's just blank I don't know how to write what I feel anymore. I just want to move away from everyone here. 

I want to move to Ireland, meet a gorgeous, strong, ginger-haired, bearded man. I want to have a wonderful life there surrounded by good people, good scenery, good nature, good weather (well not if you don't like the cold and rain), good beer. I just want to finally be fucking happy and I always feel like I see happiness right in front of me but i'm like a dog on a treadmill with a bone attached. It's always dangling in front of me, always keeping me running trying to catch it, but I never will until it's handed to me. 

Fuck Me.

Here's thinspo I guess I'll be posting a lot more of this since I'm losing all feeling, and thoughts now.