Skinny Cold Dead

I'm so tired of it all. Exhausted at always trying to be alright. Fed up with always having something wrong with me and not being able to get it fixed. I just want to scream as loud as possible. I want to feel free. Feel confident. Feel Safe. Feel Real. I want to be able to just show who I am and I can't. I can't even control anything anymore. I've lost who I am, who I was and now I don't even know what I am....There's no point anymore. I'll never be allowed to be happy, it'll just be torn away from me eventually. I'm scared :'( I don't think i've been this close to cutting in over a year and I feel a relapse coming. Landon will break up with me for this, and then I'll really be alone. Then I can starve, and sleep and then just wither away into nothing. Then I'll be happy. Skinny, Cold, and Dead.