Savior

Life's greatest questions have always been: Who am I? Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? You are about to see and hear one of the most significant messages given to us from God. Get down Wooooooo! Get down. I'm lying to myself, And this dagger's my excuse. I'm a pawn. I Should have paid up, And I left an hour late,I was laid up. I must abuse myself. I'm against all that I've made up. Set in stone the sun will come, And I hate light. You know I hate light. To me it looks so pretty burning. Burn the sun Burn the light. Take take take take take take it away, Take my hand, Take my life,Take take take take take take it away.

I must have caught something. In the heat of all these dances. I'm a worm with no more chances. And I've lost all doubt,In a chemical romance. I can't stop itching over thoughts of tarnished hope, kinda funny,lonely feeling. I'm not in love, You know it's not love,Don't make it look so pretty burning. Burn the sun, Burn the light, Take take take take take take it away, Take my hand, Take my life,Take take take take take take it away. Burn the sun, Burn the light. Take take take take take take it away, Take my hand, Take my life,Take take take take take take it away.

Brothers and sisters, I'm right here with you, Cause everyone's got one, A story to kill me. I'm so apathetic in my resentment, Living, loving, knowing not. Take my hand Take my life Take my heart take my mind Take my life take my life. Burn the sun burn the light. Take take take take take take it away Take my hand take my life Take take take take take take it away Burn the sun burn the light Take take take take take take it away Take my hand take my life Take my life Take my life.

Last night I swallowed liquor and a lighter and this morning I threw up fire. But it's nothing new. I've been piecing it together and it's got something to do with every look thrown like a knife across a crowded room. Every slow and quiet car ride I spent drinking in the backseat. Every stupid melody to every stupid song. And every stupid word that everybody's hanging on. What difference does this difference in age make? I know how it ends... she'll kill me quick. So call 911. I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess.

Last night I fell asleep next to a liar and I woke up with a shiner. And it's all that I remember from a night spent lying on my back with a view of a stone white ceiling and the back of your head. This dark and quiet bed felt like the middle of nowhere. We beat each other up just like we always do. When I'm talking to myself I'd always rather be talking to you. What difference does this difference in age make? I know how it ends... she'll kill me quick. Call 911. I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess. Call homicide. Take the case to court. Her lips taste like a loaded gun and I'm her number one chalk outline on the floor.

They hung her from the bridge on Monday. The gathering turned into a mob out on the lawn. They dropped her body in the river. And school and work returned to normal before long... Call 911. I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess. Call homicide. Take the case to court. Her lips taste like a loaded gun
and I'm her number one chalk outline on the floor.

I just love how a few months back my parents and I got in a fight about me cutting, my anxiety, my depression and how they've always ignored it because they didn't know how to handle it. They've seen my scars when I was 12 years old. I've always been strong for other people when they needed help but when it comes to myself I am the weakest link. I don't know how to talk to anyone about my feelings because I was taught to just be independent and figure out my own issues. It honestly fucked me up in every way. I can't express any emotion to anyone. Landon hates this because he tries to help me and play therapist but I just don't even know how to talk about things...He won't understand, and when I try to talk he becomes judgmental and I hate it. But back into my parents, when we had that fight they were all "things will change, we'll get you help, im sorry" my response was "you're full of shit and you know it! you're not going to change a damn thing" and to this day i've proven my point. All my mom does is buy me fucking scar cream and it's like one this shit doesn't work, and two I'm not going to use this. I resent my parents with a passion. They treat my sister different than they did when I was that age. They are really bad parents and I'm not even saying that because i'm mad or upset i'm saying this because they are really bad parents. Just this past weekend my dad caught my sister on MY bed with another boy and the boy jumped up and immediately ran to the bathroom so obviously they were fooling around. But what happens?? Nothing....no punishment, no lectures, nothing...they don't know how to handle situations so they rather just ignore them. And I'm so scared my sister will end up as fucked up as me. I fucking hate my life. I stress out all the time. Mostly about food, my future, my job, my boyfriend. I mostly get my panic attacks when I start thinking about how I'm going to live without knowing what I'm going to do in life. I get bored with things very easily and If I don't like a class I drop it..I hate wasting my time with something I'm never going to use. The thing is ever since my depression I've lost all interest in everything. I used to love art and now I hate drawing because it's never good enough. I don't know what i'm good at anymore. There isn't anything. I joked last night with Landon saying we should have a Suicide Pact. He didn't think is was funny..and I don't know if I was joking. I've been very suicidal lately, like no joke....Last night I was smoking TRYING to get high but it just wouldnt work and it was just pissing me off. Landon was doing something and I just got really tired laid my face straight into the pillow and I could feel it getting harder to breath and I just wanted to die. I keep having my disturbing daydreams of me dying again...just today at work i thought about how I could just faint hit my head on something and just bleed out on the floor at work without anyone noticing. The only people who pay attention to me here and the freaking mexican guys in the warehouse. I'm not racist, I have nothing against mexicans but these guys are the type of Mexicans that give Mexicans a bad name. They're gross, and rude and always whistling and making crude gestures at me. They're like fucking 40 too and they're all really mean to the nice old guy that works here. I fucking hate my job, my boss, my co-workers. I fucking hate my whole life. Why was I put on this damn earth just to have a life like this? There's no God.