We'll See How It Goes

I went to a Therapist yesterday. Finally.
It was actually nice I guess. I like her. I like how she treated me. I had a complete panic attack before going though I was so scared to have to admit to someone that I have problems. But she was calm, she helped me, I feel better knowing that at least once a week i'll have someone to completely let everything out without feeling judged.
She officially diagnosed me with Severe Depression, and Anxiety. I don't think she wants to use medication but she says she wants to try Cognitive Therapy. I do wish she would give me medication just to speed it up because i'm still tired of being sad all the time.
She created goals for me. One was to make being sad go from 7 days a week to maybe 4 or 5 days. And the thoughts about dying go straight down to 0 days a week. She taught me deep breathing techniques for the next time I have a panic attack.

I did just about lose it though last night. This weekend I cleaned my room like spotless clean. It was perfect. I come home last night and my sister fucking trashed it! She had her clothes all over the floor again, all her books and papers everywhere, her makeup and hair crap all over my desk, all her stupid crap all over my dresser. I walked in and literally just wanted to beat the living shit out of her while she was sleeping. My anger really took over me last night I kinda got scared of how mad I ended up getting.

Things with Landon are okay. He's been kinda moody but it hasn't been directed towards me TOO much. He doesn't seem to really want to move in with me....and it makes me want to give up trying to find a place. The only reason I'm doing this is for him. I do not want to be living with him. Yesterday I told him about being diagnosed with depression and anxiety and all he says is "oh well you're just like everyone else in America" and i was mad. He doesn't take my problems seriously, and I told him that he sure does know how to make someone feel special and he goes off on me....but after that he seemed to be kinda worried about my state of mind. I've been having a problem with having to constantly move. At any moment I feel my muscles tighten up, like they're locking together, and the only way to fix it is by moving some part of my body. It's annoying and irritating.

Can't even talk about my eating....