WANDERLUST: A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.
Has anyone seen the movie Into The Wild ? I have been completely obsessed with it for a couple weeks.
INTO THE WILD : After graduating from Emory University, top student and athlete Christopher McCandless abandons his possessions, gives his entire $24,000 savings account to charity and hitchhikes to Alaska to live in the wilderness. Along the way, Christopher encounters a series of characters that shape his life.
Every time I watch this movie I end up in massive tears, and my chest tight. It's not so much that it's sad, because it is a sad true story, but it's so inspirational to me. It moves me. It makes me long for that experience to be on my own, to be free from all the bad things in life, to find out the things that make YOU happy instead of everyone around you. I crave to run away, to find myself, to be someone so much better than this. Movies that are all about finding yourself, finding happiness are what really mean something to me, these are the ones that affect my heart and my mind when I watch it, and those are always the best movies. I just want to experience many things but by myself. I just want to be alone. I'm so tired of having people around me all the time. 
My mood has been a wreck all week. I can feel myself going to snap massively one day. All week i've been filled with anger, wanting to just yell and scream and just fucking go off completely. I have these periods throughout the day where I feel just blank, and then suddenly wanting to cry my fucking eyes out, and then 2 seconds later I want to literally fucking kill anyone around me. I have no patience for anyone anymore. I'm just angry all the time. I'm angry with the people, with myself, with my life. You have no idea how badly I am actually looking forward to therapy tomorrow. Since I left her office last week all i've wanted was to go back to her, go back and just let everything out, get help, stop feeling this way. I've come to the point where I have arguments inside my head with myself. I literally sit there screaming back and forth at myself trying to calm down, trying to stop being angry, trying to just feel better. Maybe one day i'll just disappear into thin air from everyone in the world. Get rid of everything that would link myself back to my life.
The Gandhi's Top 10 list has made me think about everything in my life so much. I need to change as a person. This last week I've tried to change so many things, and I need to start with myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad counselling's going to well for you.