Flightless Bird

I'm 111 lbs still I have no idea how that is even possible.....at all the way i've been eating & not exercising.
Doctor put in a psych referral so let's wait another 10 months to get into that doctor to probably tell me they can't help me. I broke down in the doctors when she told me she was sending out another referral to a different specialist. I'm just so fed up with being told "I don't know what's wrong with you" "I can't help you, you need to go to someone else". I'm scared that the psych will say i'm fine when i'm not :( I'm scared I wont be able to talk about things, express anything that is going on in my head. Oh and funniest thing that made me laugh my mom is talking to me about anxiety pills and she decides to say "you know they can cause suicidal thoughts and if you start taking them you have to promise me you'll tell me if you start thinking these things"....its like I ALREADY AM! and I have been! oh and my doctor was trying to convince my mom i'm anorexic. I know my mom is noticing my weight change she keeps asking me how much I weigh, and feeling my hips and crap it's annoying.

I have to say after 8 pm yesterday though I was happy. Landon was making me laugh and smile and be happy like i've never been before. I was laughing. And not just laughing like I was laughing so hard my cheeks were hurting. I needed that. I needed him.

I am going to stay strong and let this be the only intake I have today!
1 banana
4 blueberries
2 blackberries
1/2 piece of whole wheat toast w/ light canola butter 
1 diet pill (:
water!