Mean

Just resisted the amazing Red Velvet Cupcake. I haven't ate in two days and trust me these were sure tempting. My mom made me try the frosting to the Carrot Cupcake. One I fucking hate frosting or icing of any sorts and I never have. I literally ask for my birthday cake to have no frosting. But I tried a little dap of the frosting and wanted to puke from the amount of sugar I just ingested. I kinda freaked out earlier too I was buttering a piece of toast for my sister and I got butter on my finger and went crazy for some reason thinking it'd absorb into my skin and make me fat.....I'm working so hard you guys have no fucking idea.


Is it bad that I want to lose more weight so Landon won't want to be with me anymore? I love him, I really do but I feel trapped. He had his time when he was younger to have fun & shit, and I'm barely 19 and I don't have any friends, I'm always with him, sitting there smoking, not being able to get away....

I also decided that since i'll be getting new fucking health insurance in July I'll start writing down everything that is wrong with me. Mostly just the shit that's going on in my head since I can't ever express it out loud, I'll start writing everything down, add more details as I remember and just hand that over to my new doctor so I can start getting help.....I'll post it on here too when I gather it all up and put it into words.