Beautiful Things Are Coming

http://confessions-of-self-harmers.tumblr.com/

this self-harm blog is very many things all at once.
its triggering
inspirational
emotional
& reading these stories fucking rips my heart out.

I cut for years and years it ruined relationships, and friendships. It eased my pain, my sadness, my problems. It felts good, and relaxing. I started when I was 12 years old up until I was 17. Let me tell you right now, it feels amazing at first it can give you that fresh breath of air you needed. You could be crying, and screaming as loud as possible on the inside and then you have that moment where you make that small incision and it feels as if everything you were keeping in on the inside all those feelings of anger and sadness just float out of that cut. That blood is representing those feelings just pouring out and you feel a huge weight lifted off you like you've never felt before. It goes away though....After a couple years of the same bullshit cutting doesn't give you that satisfaction it starts to hurt, it starts becoming a burden and just know from now on you will have to hide those scars for the rest of your life. I hate fucking working without long sleeves. One of my old jobs I had a girl see my scars and she pointed out hers too. She tried making it like a big deal like we were going to be best friends from then on. Every time I saw her all she did was try to talk to me about them....I quit my job because of her, because I couldn't take it.
Just thinking about those people, especially people on here that I talk to knowing that they are going through these things crushes me. Self-harm doesn't need to be who you run to when you are upset. It can ruin your life. I know things can become overwhelming and you can't control it but fighting needs to become an option. I'm trying to fight every god damn day to live. To live for my future child, my future husband, my future job, or whatever the future has planned for me I have to now FIGHT for it. I'm fighting to take control of this monster consuming me. I realize now that trying to take my life wasn't the answer. And since it didn't work I have to go the other direction. I'm not okay or healthy or healed. I'm very weak right now but I'm working harder than ever for my weight, i'm working harder to avoid the thoughts in my head, i'm working my ass off to just be okay for once. Not even happy I just want to feel okay.

If you self-harm ever please feel free to email me : hookahohakooh@aol.com

I want to help, I can help you. Just let me.